Hopes, Dreams and Wishes

Last night was exceptionally calm. I was standing in the lawn as I listened to my surrounding. All I hear was silence. The wind was quiet, the trees stood still. I could feel the heat touching my cheeks even though it was late at night. The sky was so clear I could see my favorite stars – The Big Dipper. I was reminded to the future – a date not known and unlikely anticipated but coming all the same.

“By the sky containing great stars. And (by) the promised day. And (by) the witnessed and what is witnessed.”

[Surah al-Buruj 85: 1 -3]

There is something similar about rain, the sky and the sun to me, apart from their beautiful creation – they brought childhood memories to me. I used to read astronomy when I was 10 to 12 (thanks to my Mom who rarely rejected my requests when it comes to books).

My imagination ran wild when I think of the skies. I’ve forgotten of what I thought about when I look at those illustrations of star, the sun, pulsars, black holes, neutrons,white dwarfs etc. When I re-read those books in recent years, I wondered ‘What exactly did I understand from those when I was little?’ because I read them so diligently like I read comics and watch cartoons. I used to sleep with those books and dreamed of those cosmic objects.

Then, there comes my childhood resolutions – I wanted to be an astronaut. Thus, names like Neil Armstrong, Yuri Gagarin, Valentina Tereshkova protruded my childhood vocabulary. (And now I realized why I was termed ‘weird’ when I was young =P).

But later, when I learned about the trainings (read: sufferings) astronauts have to go through before the rocket-launch and the long queue before they can actually go to space, I changed my mind. I resolved, “I don’t really want to go outer space. I just want to investigate those beautiful creations out there” and decided that I was contented with being an astronomer.    <—— Reminder: Assume this story from a 11-year-old point of view.

As I read about astronomy, space, stars and all and surveyed my future university, I came to find there was no course with the word or phrase equivalent to astronomy and its kind in Malaysia. Thus I dug more and found an alternative – physics! And so there came the answer “physicist” every time anyone asked about my ambition.  <——- Another reminder: …this time, I was 12.

My high schools witnessed the vague period of  resolutions not renewed, consisting of a few years of loving numbers, hating memorized facts, sleeping in classes, skipping classes and enhancing irrelevant skills. The consciousness finally came back when I finally had to decide where I want to go after my SPM (Malaysian High School Certificate) and I was like “OMG!” but stayed calm, steady and nonchalant all the same. I just went with the flow and finally settled down at UTM for my Maths degree.

Maths was my second choice and my first choice was Physics (obviously). I was not so enthusiastic at start. I loved numbers, yes (in fact, I still do). But I was determined that I can get as close to astronomy as possible via Physics. Then, I fell in love with Maths and so grateful till now. I realized recently that I can still pursue my childhood dream when I talked to a friend about his research. It’s a long way down, but it’s still related, anyway.

I’m happy for this possibility – as happy as when I stumbled upon the story about Cat’s Eye nebula in kalamULLAH:

Like all things beautiful, perfect and joyful, we must work for it. Things don’t just come our way in a blink of eye. But this happiness of an opened possibility, I want to share.  Never stop dreaming!

Aurora ~ Oh, I can stare at the sky a whole day!

P/s: I’m reminded of an unfulfilled childhood birthday wish ~ a telescope!=)


Author: Ajan

An aspiring speaker & writer who believes in cakes, cats and compounding return.

3 thoughts on “Hopes, Dreams and Wishes”

  1. mesti kau ingat aku masa tulis ni kan hahahah.. (perasan)
    aku pun ada buku pasal astronomi. tapi dah hilang mana entah. yg paling aku ingat, pasal lubang hitam. aku fikir “buku ni tipu, dah sah2 hitam, saja2 je nak jadi bahan pasal lubang hitam. dia tau kalau dia tipu pun, kita kat bumi tak tahu” hahaha

    tapi aku tak pernah la nak telescope. aku nak patung, patung, patung 😛

    aku dah lama tinggal pasal space.. sampailah aku gi ESQ dulu, then, banyak kejadian yg diceritakan, and dikaitkan dgn Quran, then aku rasa sangat gebabom excited. paling best, bila student aku masa tusyen dulu, senyap, but then bila masuk bab sistem suria, dia sangat aktif. aku terharu!

    (apapasal aku cerita pasal aku plak ni.. ni kan komen..)

    ok komen aku, aku suka kau tulis! ilang rindu sikit hehehe

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