I try to not have expectations for my friends. I believe in unconditional love – giving without asking back. But when you love someone, it is hard to not have expectations towards them. It’s a nature in humans, nature of heart.
Wives expect care from their husbands. Husbands expect respect from their wives. Friends expect time spent together from friends. Parents expect success from their children. Sometimes, it is amazing how far one can go to meet their loved one’s expectations.
There are times that I feel that a piece of my heart is missing, like a loved one being pulled away from me. I assume it’s because of unmet expectation. But the more important thing is when I feel so, I quickly evaluate myself – how is my relationship with HIM lately?
The reason is I believe that when one is pulled away from someone, their minds and hearts are not vibrating in the same frequency. In other words, when I feel ‘close’ to Allah and the other person is also the same, our minds are vibrating in the same frequency and thus, being pulled together. Attracted to each other.
I asked questions.
“Ya Allah, is it me or is it the other person ‘facing away’ from You?”
“Ya Allah, what have I done wrong that I feel uneasy?”
“Ya Allah, how do I shake this feelings away?”
It feels like my heart is missing a piece. It is different than friends going away because of marriage or moving to new town. That kind of feeling is like having an empty slot in my heart but it feels right. Having an empty slot cause it is time feels okay. That naturally happens in life – people move on, make new commitments and get on with life. They don’t leave, they just went further. Meeting occasionally, texts once in a while, irregular phone calls and few Facebook chats once in three months will mend the empty slots in the end. They are empty, but they are not void.
But the missing-a-piece-of-my-heart kind of feeling makes me uneasy. Like, sometimes, we are just a stone’s throw away from each other, yet the distance feels like hundreds of kilometers. It is getting harder to spend time with each other – from outing to outing feels like forever. And when you hang out, it feels dissatisfying and devoid of happy feelings – it’s mechanical, like putting a schedule in my phone calendar and completing it as a task.
“A friend is a like a mirror to oneself.”
These uneasiness deep in my heart – it could be He calling me back to Him, it might be Him helping me choose my ways around friends, or it could also turn out to be just feelings that are passing by. I am yet to know. I just keep to my believe – never abandon a friend. Never say “No” to friendship. I just have to have the correct attitude with different kinds of friends.
Every time the same feelings tickle my heart, I pray He reminds me of Du’a Rabitah and helps me see the right way:
One thought on “A Missing Piece of Heart”
I feel almost the same.