Call Me A Rider 2

Area A4 District 51 Toastmasters

Humorous Speech Contest 2013/2014

“I modified my club level contest speech by incorporating some parts of my Advanced Project speech where I tested which parts audience laughed the most.”

I have a secret. Many people thought I wear high heels because I feel elegant or they elevate my self confidence. But actually, I started wearing high heels because when I have to stop at traffic lights on my motorbike, only with high heels on, both my feet can properly touch the ground.

Fellow Toastmasters, ladies and gentlemen.

How do we motorists answer calls on motorbike? Telilin telilin! Telilin telilin! With right hand still on the handle, this is what we do. It is almost like using a headset, just slightly bigger. This is what usually happens when friends call. “Ah hello hello! Can speak now.” “Ajan, why is it so noisy?” my friend asks. “Oh, I’m on motorbike.” “On bike? Can speak now?” “1. You’re already speaking to me. 2. Don’t yell! I can hear you fine.”

I’ve been asked some funny questions when people know a girl like me ride motorbike. My personal favorite is “Are you not afraid?” Asking a rider whether he/she is afraid of riding is like asking a fireman whether he is afraid of fire, or asking a skydiver whether he is afraid of height, or asking a Toastmasters club president whether she’s afraid of speaking in front. Of course I am afraid. I just found some ways to make it manageable and maintain my level of confidence.

There is a flyover at Danga Bay, near Dataran Bandaraya that I like. Fact #1: The flyover goes high up facing Singapore with sharp corner to the right before it goes down. Fact #2: Motorcycle seat is higher than car seats. With the strong gushing wind, those settings are perfect to make you feel like flying. Every time I take that flyover, this is what I do, “Superman! Wuhuu…!” Sometimes I purposely choose that road to do that.

One of the things that I like to do on bike is singing. My karaoke talent comes from hours of practicing while riding. I can’t help it. When you wear helmet with full visor like this, it gives the stereo effect. It’s a strong temptation.

The genre of the songs I sing usually depends on the traffic or weather. When it rains, it gives the mood of Hindustan video clips and I start singing Hindustan song. “Ladkhi badhi anjanihe.” When I’m doing 120kmph, fast beat and high notes songs usually comes to mind, like “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger” When the weather is hot, I sing rock song “I wanna heal, I wanna feel, what I thought was never real.” Ok, that doesn’t sound like a rock song.

One fine day, the weather was clear, I was in a good mood and I was happily singing while riding. I saw a massive traffic jam about half kilometer ahead of me. But I’m still happy because I can weave in and out of traffic. My good day was spoiled when, suddenly, a car came from behind me, went past just slightly next to me with high speed, nearly knocking me over, only to get in line and join the other cars in the traffic. I didn’t understand what happened. I mean, what’s the point of going so fast when you already see a traffic jam ahead? But I suspect he wanted to show off his turbo engine. I was so mad I feel like stopping next to the driver’s seat, make him roll down the window and sing Shania Twain’s song, “That don’t impress me much. Ah! Ah ah ah!” But of course I don’t have the courage to do that! What did I do in reality? I purposely changed lane to be next to his car and do this. ‘Huh! I’m going to reach my destination faster than you. Bye.’

I feel weird when people tell me that they are afraid of riding. I feel more weird when they proceeded telling me about their trauma because they had once seen blood and pieces of human body in a road accident. Doing that is like telling people about your diarrhea specifically, when the other people are about to eat something on a dining table. Or like telling me “Afzan, I foresee that you’ll be involved in a road accident. There are blood everywhere. Pieces of human body. Head rolling on the ground. Believe me.”

Fellow Toastmasters, ladies and gentlemen,

I don’t have a car yet. I’m in the lowest income segment among Malaysians. And sometimes, I worry about getting wet in the rain. But life is about being grateful of what we have and enjoying the moment to the fullest. Why worry about rain when you can fly like a Superman? “Superman! Wuhuu!”

Thanks, in advance, for your feedback.

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