I literally said “Hello, blog” before starting to write this entry. That’s how much I miss my blog.
Last Monday, I gave my tenth speech in Bahasa Melayu in a joint meeting between Kelab Toastmasters Bahasa Melayu Johor Bahru and JB City Toastmasters Club. I was approached by a guest and she complimented me about how my speech really touched her heart. She told me how good if I continue to pursue my passion of public speaking and bring it to the political world.
I told her that I actually don’t like to talk and prefer background leadership roles.
“That’s strange coming from a Toastmaster. I thought all of you like speaking,” she remarked.
So I told her about how as I started speaking, I discover myself and I became more conscious of who I truly am, thus made me realized that there are many things I disagree with my past self. Nowadays, when I speak, I’m very careful and conscious so that when those words I said come back to me in the future, it won’t be haunting and daunting. This is the risk of telling the world what we think – we make ourselves vulnerable. Seen.
The same goes true with writing. Some part of us is imprinted somewhere the world can see.
In fact, this is true with everything we love. Be it a person, an interest, anything. We open up. We let ourselves be seen. We become vulnerable. But that’s the only way we grow and learn in life.
That is precisely why I will never stop speaking. In time, people will forget what we said, anyway. Sometimes, we can find what we write and delete them, anyway. But just like this blog, I don’t prefer deleting past mistakes. Because just like scars on our body, they are what define who we are now – the great, mature person we’ve become. I find gratitude and tranquility in reading diaries that I wrote as the younger me, for I discovered how much I’ve gone through to reach here and now. The mistakes are beautiful, including the grammar and spellings. LQTM.
For now, when asked, I will still say I prefer silent, backstage job than out standing, speaking position. But hey, who knows? Years from now, I might be typing in this same blog, in a different entry, about how I disagree with that certain post from April 2nd, 2015?
Life goes on.