Relationship Breaker

Humans are made of colorful personalities and characters. Some quirks may wobble relationships – romantic relationship, friendship and family bond. But as long as personalities between two people match, give and take would do it.

The key to any good relationship is kindness. I believe kindness can’t coexist with these three traits which I call relationship breaker. A kind person is able to minimize these traits in the character, if not losing them at all. To err is human. But to have these traits embed in one’s character they become a habit, is dangerous and toxic.

Blaming

There is a type of person who when confronted, will quickly shift the blame to someone else in the team, quickly getting himself out of the hot spot. It is the easiest way, but it is the wrong way. Sometimes referring to what somebody else did in the past – “I am not the only one who did this. So and so did this too.” This does not solve problem, and in fact, bringing out forgotten corpse into the existing problem.

The other type, which I feel worse than the first type, is someone who puts blame on someone out of nowhere. They feel the need of pointing out one’s mistake which is not needed to be discussed, because to them everyone must do or be a certain way in a team. I feel even if one makes a mistake, it is best to talk to each other first before pointing it out to other teammates.

Judgmental

Quick to jump to conclusions based on their personal assumptions. Some of them think they are exercising their observation skills and are happy to share their inferences with their circle, when in fact, it is false assumption. These judgments are then used as a base to work in a team, creating an unhealthy work environment.

Giving adjectives to one’s behavior based on just a few occasions – labeling. When someone is missing from a few occasions, he is labeled ‘absent’. When someone did not complete her tasks for a couple of times, she is labeled ‘irresponsible’. When someone did not return calls, he is labeled ‘ignorant’. The curse of an adjective is it is remembered. When you tell that a person is ‘beautiful’, people remember the fact that she is beautiful without the details about her hair, her smile or the way she talks. The same goes to when you tell a person is ‘irresponsible’, people remembers exactly that, not the few occasions which the person made the mistakes. We want to remember good things about people, so give adjectives only to their best traits.

Cynic

cyn·i·cal
ˈsinək(ə)l/

adjective

1.

believing that people are motivated by self-interest; distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.
“her cynical attitude”

doubtful as to whether something will happen or whether it is worthwhile.
“most residents are cynical about efforts to clean mobsters out of their city”

contemptuous; mocking.
“he gave a cynical laugh”

2.

concerned only with one’s own interests and typically disregarding accepted or appropriate standards in order to achieve them.
“a cynical manipulation of public opinion”

Cynics think that everyone has a motivation behind everything they do. ‘This person is nice to me because he needs me to do such and such for him.’ ‘That person is getting close to her because he wants to woo her.’ I am a believer of the saying, ‘What Susie says of Sally, says more of Susie, than of Sally’. It is because a cynic always has a motive behind things they do, they think that everybody else must have, too. Be aware, but not suspicious. Be kind, nice and open to everyone, but don’t be naïve. Give-and-take does not equal reciprocate.

cynical-conan-obrien

I am writing this as a reminder for myself and with a heart full of wish that people can be more frank and ask more at the same time. To grow requires acknowledging these characters without entertaining them, giving power to them. Focus on the best people in the team – who criticize for your growth and encourage your dreams unconditionally.

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