Random Thoughts After Malaysia General Election

That day at Z-gen Speakers Public Speaking Challenge, there was a boy named G Mahathir. Automatically, he was elected group leader. Naturally, they named their group Pact of Hope. Not before they were asked to change from Pakatan Harapan.

Nota minda: Tukar kad pengenalan. Tukar tempat mengundi. Boleh bertugas dengan efisyen.

Kalau korek hidung, lubang hidung warna biru tak?



There are hollows in our conversations,
Where there used to be filled with your name,
What are you medications?
When is your next appointment?
How do we handle your treatment?
What do we need for you?
There are hollows in my planner,
Where I used to write ‘dialysis’ three times a week,
Or where I crossed over that word, sometimes sister took over,
Where I put reminders of my night shift at hospital, because I am that forgetful,
Where I wrote your appointment with doctors.
There are hollows in our home,
Where there used to be your bed, your dressing table and your wheelchair,
Where there were tables and chairs to ease your way in and out,
Where everything is arranged so you were comfortable.
There are hollows in our spaces,
The front passenger seat of the car where you used to sit,
The towel rack where we hung yours,
The end of the dining table where you used to sit.
The are hollows in my habit,
I used to check on you when I woke up at night,
I used to greet you in the morning with my silly pantuns,
I used to ask what you want for your next meal,
I used to tell you stories that you are probably tired of hearing.
But there is no hollow in my heart,
Where the memories of you reside,
Your name imprinted in gold letters,
To remind me the power of du’a from a daughter,
You will forever be the one and only I call ‘Abah’,
May we meet again, I pray, forever happy in jannah.

100th Post

This is not my 100th post.

It is the previous post.

And I only realized that after I hit the Publish button.

You published your 100th post.

“Writing is a struggle against silence.” – Carlos Fuentes

Earlier today, Cristian Mihai posted on Facebook,

“The world always seems brighter when you’ve just made something that wasn’t there before.” – Neil Gaiman

Somehow, arriving at this benchmark makes me relates these two.

The coward in me is still not confident about her English, let alone publishing something. But the confident me is sure about continuing this journey.

Good luck, me!

How Queer Love Is

I found out that to hurt someone we love is so easy. We don’t have to hurt them with words. We don’t have to hurt them by rejecting them. We just have to self-destruct.

I found out that when someone I love self-destruct, it is much more painful and unbearable than when that person hurt me directly with words. Because when someone self-destruct, they usually don’t realize. Logically, people don’t self-destruct. Only unreasonable people self-destruct – when clouded by overwhelming emotions.

How queer love makes human react. When we get hurt by someone we love, we can bear it. When someone we love hurts him/herself, we find it unbearable.



They have been best friends for a long time, longer than they care to count. They are confidantes to each other.

She is not in good terms with her father. Always having to follow her father’s rules, she dreads to get out of his way. But she couldn’t because it is a promise that she had made. She had promised to stay.

She always tells stories about she and her father. He would listen attentively. Sometimes, offering suggestion when she asks for it.

One day, it just dawned on her. Something peculiar yet never came to her mind before. So she asks, “Why do you never speak about yours?”

He smiles and says, “Oh… He’s fine. But he’s rarely around.”

She runs out of words to say.

He clears his throat and continues, “You know… At least yours are always around.”