It Takes Two to Tango

You’re still going shopping.

I have made up my mind to sell. I thought I had closed the deal. So I waited at the check out.

But you went pass the check out without anything.

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You didn’t even turn to look at me.

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Random Thoughts After Malaysia General Election

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That day at Z-gen Speakers Public Speaking Challenge, there was a boy named G Mahathir. Automatically, he was elected group leader. Naturally, they named their group Pact of Hope. Not before they were asked to change from Pakatan Harapan.

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Nota minda: Tukar kad pengenalan. Tukar tempat mengundi. Boleh bertugas dengan efisyen.

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Kalau korek hidung, lubang hidung warna biru tak?

Hollows

There are hollows in our conversations,
Where there used to be filled with your name,
What are you medications?
When is your next appointment?
How do we handle your treatment?
What do we need for you?
 
There are hollows in my planner,
Where I used to write ‘dialysis’ three times a week,
Or where I crossed over that word, sometimes sister took over,
Where I put reminders of my night shift at hospital, because I am that forgetful,
Where I wrote your appointment with doctors.
 
There are hollows in our home,
Where there used to be your bed, your dressing table and your wheelchair,
Where there were tables and chairs to ease your way in and out,
Where everything is arranged so you were comfortable.
 
There are hollows in our spaces,
The front passenger seat of the car where you used to sit,
The towel rack where we hung yours,
The end of the dining table where you used to sit.
 
The are hollows in my habit,
I used to check on you when I woke up at night,
I used to greet you in the morning with my silly pantuns,
I used to ask what you want for your next meal,
I used to tell you stories that you are probably tired of hearing.
 
But there is no hollow in my heart,
Where the memories of you reside,
Your name imprinted in gold letters,
To remind me the power of du’a from a daughter,
You will forever be the one and only I call ‘Abah’,
May we meet again, I pray, forever happy in jannah.

The End

Heart: Today is the final day.
Brain: I am well aware of that.

Heart: Have we found something?
Brain: We are still looking.

Heart: Are we closer to the solution?
Brain: I don’t know.

Heart: Can we define the problem, at least?
Brain: I believe we can’t.

Heart: Then what’s the point in reaching this mark?
Brain: It has always been about to keep going on. We succeeded. We are still doing it. We will succeed. InsyaAllah.

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Champion

Brain: We won again.
Heart: Yes. I know.

Brain: You don’t seem happy, why?
Heart: Don’t start on one of your you-should-be-grateful lecture again.

Brain: Ok, I won’t. But still, answer me. Why?
Heart: I don’t feel anything. Just numbness.

Brain: Look. They are so happy for you.
Heart: I feel that what I said or did were fake.

Brain: But you are not lying, are you? You are just trying hard to be okay. That’s good.
Heart: And tiring. Exhausting, actually.

Brain: There are people who envy this medal, you know.
Heart: I know. I just don’t feel. That’s all.

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Best Actor

Brain: They said that we don’t deserve to feel a certain way.
Heart: And we should stay calm.

Brain: They said that we don’t deserve to feel sad.
Heart: And always smile.

Brain: They said that we don’t deserve to feel angry.
Heart: Because our feelings waste their time.

Brain: We thought that if we don’t react to these feelings, everything would turn out fine.
Heart: It seems that when we seem fine, they don’t believe we have feelings.

Brain: So let’s just do this on our own.
Heart: Thus we won’t waste their time anymore.

Brain: Keep acting.
Heart: We are good at that.

Brain: Sounds like a good plan.
Heart: On it now.

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Space

Heart: Maybe this isn’t meant to be solved.
Brain: What do you mean?

Heart: I mean, we don’t need to make it vanish.
Brain: How?

Heart: You know, like space.
Brain: We’ve always love space. What about it?

Heart: Most of it is vacuum. Like the void we’re having now.
Brain: Yes, this feeling of voidness.

Heart: And then there are stars and other beautiful things in space.
Brain: Yes. Never fail to mesmerize us.

Heart: We just have to hop on from star to star, from planet to planet, from one beautiful thing to another beautiful thing.
Brain: That sounds like a plan.

Heart: While hopping, we have to go through the vacuum, but we don’t have to linger till we plant our feet firmly on the next solid ground.
Brain: Yes, we have to bear that in mind.

Heart: We’ll try our best to avoid black holes. They’re mysterious, maybe dangerous.
Brain: Ok, will do.

Heart: We must prepare ourselves with everything we need we when go hopping to help pull us to our next destination – good friends, motivational books, Holy Quran, night prayers, coffee, movies, exercises and many more.
Brain: Okay! Let’s do this!

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Don’t Think Too Much

Brain: We still remember the face of that old man sweeping the street at traffic light last week.
Heart: Yes, we do.

Brain: We still remember that three ringgits we borrowed from a friend who we lost contact with a few years back.
Heart: Yes, we do.

Brain: We still remember the look on that man’s face when he got out of the car after we smacked his car which happen last year.
Heart: Yes, we do.

Brain: And those few other things…
Heart: Yes, we always remember.

Brain: They tell us “Don’t think too much”.
Heart: We don’t know how, I know that.

Brain: How?
Heart: Don’t look. Don’t notice. Don’t feel.

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Motivation

Brain: We wrote our Golden List.
Heart: Yes, we did.

Brain: We list our achievements daily.
Heart: Every single day.

Brain: We pray five times a day.
Heart: Praises to Allah, we do.

Brain: We help people.
Heart: We try our best to be selfless.

Brain: We practice yoga.
Heart: It makes us feel good.

Brain: We control what we eat.
Heart: True.

Brain: Then, why does it still feels unsettling?
Heart: I don’t know.

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Bucket List

Brain: One day we’re going to travel to Europe.
Heart: Okay.

Brain: We are going to Mecca.
Heart: That is already in our list.

Brain: On our birthday, we are going to spend money for orphans.

Heart: We have got that planned out since last year.

Brain: We are going to write an inspirational book.
Heart: Definitely got that in plan.

Brain: What else?
Heart: What happened to all the undone, forgotten plans?

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Rot

Brain: I am getting worse with everything.
Heart: How?

Brain: I can’t divide numbers.
Heart: Really?

Brain: I forgot multiplication tables.
Heart: Oh…

Brain: I forgot my usual routes.
Heart: That’s disturbing.

Brain: I forgot many things. Slow. Probably dumber.
Heart: What do we do?

Brain: I don’t know what to do.
Heart: We’ll find a way somehow.

Brain: Maybe I am rotting.
Heart: Please don’t say that.

Brain: Maybe if we sleep longer, it’ll slow down the rot.
Heart: We’ll find a way.

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